Anyway, back on assessing the year, I really thought my 2013 is the plainest year of my life. I have a job but I didn't gain more friends. I earn money but I wasn’t able to travel to different places. I became an antisocial. I had no boyfriend this year! I was supposed to learn a new language but I have only known how to read hiragana and katakana but not how to speak Nihongo. I haven’t joined any marathon. I didn’t lose weight. I didn’t achieve the body I have always wanted! I didn’t earn enough money to buy the stuff that I need or have my own savings. The only good thing that happened this year is that I lived with my family for a long time. But that’s just it! Maybe, I have improved my communication skills, but that’s because I have to. I’m an English teacher to Koreans.
So I decided to make my 2014 a better one. I mean way better than boring 2013. I can definitely say 2013 is not for me. But I can make a lot of difference in 2014. I should own 2014, right? We all should! So I’m making my new year’s resolution. I know, I know. You guys would say “Is that still a thing?” Well, it still is for me! Haha. So here goes my list:
1. Let go. You may ask why this is the first. You see I recently got in contact with my ex-boyfriend and realized that I still feel the same way I did 2 years ago. When I saw him again, it’s like every feeling I had then came back. And, he feels the same way too even after all these years. well, he confessed to me, you see. BUT, he still has a girlfriend. So, I decided that I should be off the hook of this guy. I mean, I can’t keep on loving the same person under the same circumstances as 2 years ago. I made him a cheater then and he’s doing the same thing now. It isn’t really good for him, for me and of course, for his girlfriend. I should just be happy for them and realize that he’s just not the guy for me. It’s hard. But I got on with my life for 2 years without him. I’m sure I can do it again for the next years. I think it’s the best thing to do to move forward. We can be friends but have to make a pact that we can’t think of the lingering feelings ever again. And try not to be sweet to each other as much as we can. Because it won’t definitely help us if we keep on doing what we are doing now. So yeah, I have to let go of my feelings for him and move on with my life with or without him in it.
2. Go back to school. I used to be a BS Geodetic Engineering student in UP Diliman. But I stopped and worked due to financial constraints. And it’s been 3 or 4 years since I skipped school. I still have a few semesters left to graduate and I realized that’s exactly what I wanted right now. I want to go back to school and study and graduate and get a decent job, not that teaching online is not a decent job. What I mean is that I want to have a profession I can be proud of. I want to work in the field I am most suitable in. I mean I’m not really good in English yet I’m teaching the subject because it’s helping me earn money. But I’m tired of doing this and not going anywhere with my life. It doesn’t even pay a lot. Honestly, I get embarrassed whenever I’m asked which university I went to not because it wasn’t a good but because I wasn’t a graduate. My university is the PREMIERE state university in the Philippines. It’s like the number 1 university here. Yet, I get embarrassed because I didn’t graduate from the university. And I don’t even know if there’s still some chance I’ll ever graduate there. I mean it’s been almost 4 years since I AWOL-ed. I don’t know if the university would still give me a readmission after so long. But I have to go back to school. I have to finish my studies because it’s the only thing I can carry around me with pride. I mean I can get real job once I graduate. I mean, there would be more opportunities than being a call center agent or online teacher or than minimal-paying jobs. I really want to be proud of myself. This whole not-going-to-school is bugging me now than it ever did before. So, I should at least try to earn some money so I could get back to school. And that leads to...
3. Earn more money. It sounds selfish to some but who doesn’t want to earn more money, right? Within this year, I’ve been earning just the minimum. At first I thought it was enough. But then you realized it’s never enough; especially when you’re paying the bills at home and supporting a younger sister with her studies (plus occasionally supporting an older sister). Not to mention, not having cell phone bills because I don’t use one most of the time and I only go out of the house once a month. I’m happy being able to support the family but sometimes it gets tiring too. And I really wish I could earn more money than what I’m earning now. I still got loads of debt to pay and I haven’t started paying them yet. Money isn’t everything but once you experienced the absence of it, you’ll realize it really is everything. So, I decided to take as much online jobs as I can and earn as much money as I can.
4. Explore the world. It doesn’t literally mean to explore the whole world. I’m still not earning enough to be able to afford that. I mean, I just go out of the house once a month. Yeah, that’s crazy but it’s true. I’ve been working from home since January and I never went out unless I needed to. Most of the time, I’m confined in my own little room, stuck on my notebook. I only go out for birthdays and groceries. That’s just it, as far as I can remember. Well, except when I went to Davao because of Yolanda. But I really miss going out to places I have and haven’t been. After realizing that life is short, I think I don't belong to this place. I think I can't be confined inside a room with four walls. I think I'm someone who's adventurous and should be out there having fun, travelling from place to place. As what I said, I didn’t really make new friends this year. And for the last eleven or twelve years of my life, I’ve been making new friends each year. But this year is so different. I was so antisocial. I was just glued to my notebook like all the time. I refused invitations from friends to go out. I was that person and I kind of hated it. This just isn’t me. I know myself as friendly and not a snob. I always smile to a lot of people because I know them but it seems I’m a foreigner in the very place I’ve been raised. I hated it. So come 2014, I should go out with as much people as I can and meet new people and maybe I could...
5. Get a boyfriend. I’ve been single for 2 years. Don’t you think it’s time for me to be happy and stop living a lonely life? Those 2 years have been really lonely for me. I’ve been with friends a lot of times but at the end of the day I don’t have someone I could go home to. It was so nice to have a boyfriend and confidant; someone who would always be there for you. Well, maybe not always. But admit it! Everyone wants a partner in life. Someone you can share your everyday with, someone who loves you without you begging for it, someone whom you can celebrate the holidays and special days marked on the calendar with, someone who’s willing to travel the world with you, and someone who tells you they love you. I envy those cute couples I see in the movies and everywhere. I’m a hopeless romantic because I’ve always been looking for the perfect one. But I know he’d never come because there’s no perfect one. I have to keep exploring the world so I can find my soul mate. And that’s why I should start going out of my house in 2014.
6. Be fit. And achieve that sexy bod! I’ve always been meaning to exercise whole year round. But it never happened. Sure I did some zumba and pilates sessions on my own but it didn’t get me anywhere. I am still fat. And that’s because I eat too much! I never went on a diet. I would eat as much food as I can. And then later on I feel grossed seeing my look in the mirror. But next year should be different. I should put eating in moderation and exercise more and more. I think this is the one thing I have to give to myself. I want to achieve this at least for once. I don’t want to end up getting jealous with other’s bodies come summer. I want to be the one getting envied with. Haha. So, yeah, 2014! I should have that nice bod!
7. A new look. This, most certainly, I need. With the new look, I mean a new hairstyle. I was born with curls. But I thought I don’t look good in them so I had them rebonded. But now I got tired of the long straightened hair. I want to have curls like Troian Bellisario or Beyonce. Those curls are really great! But I don’t know if they’re great on me. But who cares, right? I mean, I think I can pull off the curl look. It’s the attitude. And with that I want to change my whole style as well. I wasn’t really girly. I’m the type who wears chucks a lot. It’s cute but I always don’t care how I look. I think I should get more conscious now. I think I have to start by changing my hairstyle. And come 2014, it would be the first I will do!
8. Keep writing. I’m not and have never been a good writer. My thoughts always get jumbled. My vocabulary isn't deep. But I have lots of ideas. I just can’t put them in writing because I’m too lazy. But I feel like lots of ideas go to waste because I never wrote them down. I feel lazy all the time and suddenly new ideas pop into my head, making me forget the previous ones. But now I realize that I have to see how far I have gone in writing. I want to compare my old self with the new one. And that’s why I want to be able to write even if it’s just a sentence or a paragraph. So next year, I will make a journal and post in on my LJ. But of course it’d be on private. It’d be embarrassing if people see my day-to-day life, right?
9. Watch a concert of my favourite band. Yeah baby, 2NE1 is coming to Manila on May 17! This should be part of the resolution and should be a motivation to earn as much money as I can! It’s my favourite Kpop girl group and I would definitely go to their concert just like how I went to Big Bang’s! Plus it’s their 5th anniversary. Isn’t it wonderful they chose Manila out of all places? I have to be part of this celebration and I will enjoy as much as I want!
10. Get a life! That’s exactly what I will be doing in 2014! I’ve always been fangirling all this time. I’m a BIG fangirl and I prefer to stay home and get glued to my notebook than go out and have fun with real people! I feel like my whole year was taken away from me because of too much fangirling. I will definitely do all of the things from 1-9 and enjoy my life in 2014! It doesn’t mean I have to get wasted but I think it would come along with it, maybe. I should enjoy my 2014 as much as I can and as real as I can!
So how about you guys? What are your new year’s resolutions? Hit it there and tell me about it! :)
In just a few days, we’ll face a new year again. But this time, we all should make a difference! HAPPY NEW YEAR to y’all!!! HAPPY 2014 EVERYBODY!!! :) :) :)